EWCM

Well, I guess things must be working alright because I got EWCM a few days ago and then again today. In the 6 months I was temping, I think I had EW once. I'm hoping I O'd today or will tomorrow. 


My OBGYN doctor called on Wednesday, she wasn't there when I went in that Monday. That doctor told us to wait 2 cycles, my doctor said only 1 which I'm so happy about. I do have to go in on Monday to see if my HCG is at 0. Since it was at 7 on the 18th, I'd think it would be at 0. 

6 Days

of bleeding and it's finally done (I think, I hope). I went in for blood work on Wednesday and my HCG was down to 7. So in 48 hours it went down 80, thank god!

On Saturday when everything started, I called my sister-in-law, who is pregnant with my 4th nephew (or niece). She had a miscarriage back in February 2011 at 9 weeks, so it was good to get some answers or least just listen to me freak out. She's been texting me everyday to see what's going on and how I'm feeling. I appreciate it so much. Besides the bump, I really have no one to talk to who has been through this before.

So hopefully my body is gearing up for a cycle and my cycle will still be their usually 27-30 day selves. In the meantime, I have been enjoying a large glass of Merlot each night and I had a big, fat, Jimmy John's ham sub tonight. Yum, lunchmeat that isn't heated up!

The End Is Near

I think the sac passed this morning. The doctor said if I saw any tan or gray matter to try and bring it in, but it was red & purple, so it was flushed. When I came out of the bathroom to tell J, I started to cry. I know there was no baby, but in my head I feel like I just flushed our baby.

The doctor called, my hcg level was at 87 and progesterone  was at .9 so I'm glad to see them being very low. Hopefully it won't take long for them to be at 0 and I can start a new cycle. 

Onward and upwards! 

Blighted Ovum

Well, I have my answer. Had an ultrasound today and there was a sac, a black hole, but nothing else. They took blood to check my levels and they will let me know if I need to come back on Wed to do another draw. The doctor said I should get the Rhogram shot. After they took my blood, the nurse told me to have a good day and take it easy and I left. 


When I got home, the office called me and asked if I got the shot. Nope! I forgot and the nurse forgot. They said that regardless of my numbers, I'll have to come in Wed to get the shot. I asked since there was no baby, was there even a chance of + blood mixing with mine? She said she'd check with the doctor and call me back. Since I'm O- and my husband is O+ I know I'll have to get them in the future and I guess I'll get in now just in case. 


So now I wait for the sac to pass and my number to get to 0 and I should hopefully get a period 4 weeks after that. The doctor said to probably wait for 2 cycles which I was surprised at. That could be 3 months from now. I have to schedule my yearly exam for February so I'll ask my primary doctor then. 


I had a bit of a melt down when we got home. My MIL sent me an email about a book she checked out from the library about pregnancy and she said she'll give it to me when we see them next week, that pretty much made me break down. I kept telling myself that we won't tell anyone till at least we see a heartbeat and here we tell my in-laws before I'm even 4 weeks along! I was just so excited and now I'm so pissed at myself. You can't ever tell someone again for the first time that you are pregnant. J is going to call his parents later tonight and tell them. I told him to say that I do not want any pity or anything, just go about like nothing happened. I was fine in the waiting room until J put his arm around me and said it'll be ok and he loved me, cue the tears! I think I need to put up a little wall to not break down all the time. When we were driving to the doctor, we said to each other that until we saw a heartbeat, we wouldn't consider it a baby yet. 


But we did get pregnant and that's the hard part. So now we just wait and we try again.


There's a big bottle of wine in my future tonight!

I think I'm having a miscarriage

Yesterday (Saturday afternoon) I got back from the park with the dog and started to feel some cramping. Went to the bathroom and saw the dark, dark red blood. I screamed for J and started bawling. He told me to get up so he could see because I couldn't look. I did end up looking and it looked like little pools of dark red blood. Not a lot but enough to know something was up. 

We called the doctor's office and had the on-call doctor call me back. He said at 5 weeks, they wouldn't see much on an ultrasound but to watch out for pain on one side (tubal pregnancy) or very heavy bleeding/clots. If either of these happen, to call them back. I have to go in on Monday since I am Rh- and J is O+, so I'll have to get the shot if this is a miscarriage. 

Today (Sunday), I still have cramps (and back pain) and blood when I use the bathroom, enough to make the toilet water red. I'm not filling up a pad and the blood is not bright red, more dark red. I prayed last night more than I ever have before and I kept telling the baby I was sorry, I hope you are not feeling any pain. Is it wrong for me to be assuming the worst before even going to the doctor? I think I am just preparing myself. I'd rather go in and be surprised that it's ok than go in and be blindsided. 

I guess I should be happy we got pregnant on our first month trying, so clearly we can get pregnant, this is just God's way of saying something isn't right. I'm mad at myself for telling J's parents and two friends. I always said we were going to wait till 12 weeks, but the excitement took over and I couldn't help myself. I just didn't want to have to un-tell. 

5 Weeks

How far along? 5 weeks
How big is the peanut? The size of an appleseed
Total weight gain/loss? No clue, I need to get a scale
Maternity clothes? Nope
Sleep? Pretty good. Waking up once a night to pee
Best moment this week? Temp is going up, so that's good!
Symptoms? Sore & heavy boobs, they feel like bowling balls. 
Food cravings? Everything
Food aversions? Nothing
Gender? Team green, not finding out
Labor signs? Heck no
Belly button in or out? In, way in
What I miss? Wine :-(
What I'm looking forward to? Our first appointment on Feb 2nd, then telling my parents & brother that weekend
Milestones? Nothing yet, everyday that passes that is uneventful is good
Bump? Nope, that bloat is just from the cinnamon raisin french toast I had for breakfast

First Appointment

So we have our first appointment on Thursday February 2nd, I'll be 8w1d then so I hope that they will be able to see a heart beat!


We told DH's parents on New Year's Day before we met everyone for brunch. They were ecstatic! It'll be their 5th grandchild but the youngest is 5 so it's been a few years since there's been a baby in the family. Of course my MIL says "you have to have another one right away since everything's cheaper by the 1/2 dozen". It'll be a few years (like 3) between kids. We'll tell DH's siblings middle of February when we all get together for Jan/Feb birthdays. 


We are going up to see my parents the first weekend of Feb to tell them and show them the ultrasound picture, that's if we aren't moving the weekend. That's a whole other debacle! We've been looking at apartments but we can't say when we're moving because we don't know when we're closing. The buyers were here on Friday for the inspection. They were here for 90 minutes! This place is 700 sq ft, what takes 90 minutes?! Just get a mortgage and close already people! I want to move and have a bigger place!


Ok, rant over. 

Yes, I like to pee on sticks, so what?

Just because I have them and I want to see that line get darker, I'm going to keep peeing on these.